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can still think and make some of our choices. Letting people make our decisions for us means we're getting rescued,

which means we're feeling like victims. We're not victims. Furthermore, it is not our business to make decisions for other

adults. We can take possession of our power to think. And we can let others be responsible for their thinking. We will

gain more confidence in ourselves, as we start feeling better and begin to make decisions, small and large. The people

around us will grow, as they are allowed to make choices and mistakes.

We can become comfortable with our minds. Become acquainted with them. They're part of us, and they work. Trust
them and our ability to think.

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Activity

1. Who makes your decisions for you? How do you feel about that?


2. Did someone important in your life tell you that you couldn't think and make good decisions? Who?
   3. Begin doing one thing every day to improve your mind: read an article in the newspaper and formulate an opinion.
   Later, you might really want to take a risk and tell somebody your opinion on that subject. You may even find yourself in
   a lively debate.

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16

Set Your Own Goals

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact. Be not afraid to live.
William James

The most exciting idea I have discovered in my sobriety and my recovery from codependency is the magic in setting
goals. Things happen. Things change. I accomplish important projects. I change. I meet new people. I find myself in
interesting places. I make it through difficult times with a minimum of chaos. Problems get solved. My needs and wants
get met. Dreams come true.

I am ecstatic about goal setting, and I hope I can transmit my enthusiasm to you. There is nothing in the world like going
where we want to go, getting what we want, solving a problem, or doing something we always wanted to do.

Many codependents don't know this joy. It is new to me too. I spent many years of my life not even bothering to think
about what I wanted and needed, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do. Life was to be endured. I didn't think I
deserved good things. I didn't think most good things were within my reach. I wasn't that interested in my life, except as
an appendage to other people. I didn't think about living my life; I was too focused on others. I was too busy reacting,
rather than acting.

I am not suggesting we can control all the events in our lives. We can't. We don't have final say on much of anything;
God does. But I

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believe we can cooperate with goodness. I believe we can plan, make requests, and start a process in motion.

"Desire, when harnessed, is power," writes David Schwartz in his best-seller, The Magic of Thinking Big. Failure to
follow desire, to do what you want to do most, paves the way to mediocrity. "Success requires heart and soul effort and