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are born. Dreams are reached. Things happen. Good things happen. Then, more problems arise. But it's all okay.

·Be patient. Trust in God's timing. Don't take an item off the list if it's still important to us just because we didn't achieve

or receive something when we thought we should have; the wretched shoulds infiltrate every area of our lives.

Sometimes, my goals carry over for years. When I do my annual goal setting, I have looked at my sheet and thought,

"Oh, this problem will never get solved. It's been on my list for years." Or, "This dream will never come true. It's the

fourth year in a row I've written it down." Or, "I'll never be able to change this character defect of mine.'' Not true. It just

hasn't happened yet. Here is one of the best thoughts I've ever encountered on patience. It is an excerpt from Dennis

Wholey's book on alcoholism, The Courage to Change.

I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time

is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve

today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged

your head against the wall.... 4

Things happen when the time is rightwhen we're ready, when God is ready, when the world is ready. Give up. Let go.
But keep it on our list.

We need to set goals for ourselves. Start todaywhen you finish this chapter. If you don't have any goals, make your first
goal "getting some goals." You probably won't start living happily ever after, but you may start living happily.

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Activity

1. Write your goals on a sheet of paper. Try to think of at least ten items such as wants, problems to be solved, and
   changes in yourself. Write as many goals as come to mind.


2. Review the checklist of "codependency characteristics" in Chapter Four. Make it a goal to change any of those
   characteristics that are a problem for you.

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17

Communication

When you're doing what's right for you, it's okay to say it once, simply, and then refuse to discuss anything further. 1
Toby Rice Drews

Read through the following conversations. You may identify with the dialogue, which appears in bold type, and the
italicized interpretations, which explain the codependents' intentions and thought patterns.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Danielle is about to call Stacy on the telephone. Danielle wants Stacy to babysit Danielle's three children for the
weekend, but she does not intend to ask Stacy to babysit; she intends to manipulate her into doing it. Pay attention to her
techniques.

Stacy: Hello.

Danielle: Hi (mumbled). Sigh. The sigh means, "Poor me. I'm just so helpless. Ask me what's wrong. Rescue me."