cover

Stacy: (After a long pause.) Oh, hi, Danielle. Glad you called. How're you doing? During the long pause, Stacy thought,
"Oh, no. Not her." Sighing and moaning again. "Good heavens, what does she want this time?"

Danielle: Sigh. Sigh. I'm doing about the same as always. Problems, you know. What Danielle is saying is: "C'mon. Ask
me what's wrong."

Stacy: (Again, after a long pause.) What's the matter? You sound terrible. During the long pause this time, Stacy thought:
"I'm not going to

page_177

Page 178

ask her what's wrong. I won't get trapped. I refuse to ask her what's wrong." Upon thinking this, Stacy felt angry, then
guilty (the rescue feelings), then went on to rescue Danielle by asking her what was wrong.

Danielle: Well, my husband just found out he's got to go out of town this weekend on his job, and he's asked me to come
with. I would love to go with him. You know I never get to go anywhere. But I don't know who I'd get to watch the kids.
I hated to say no, but I had to turn him down. He feels so bad. I hope he doesn't get too mad at me. Oh, well, that's just
the way things go, I guess. Sigh. Sigh. Danielle is laying it on thick. She wants Stacy to feel sorry for her, guilty, and
sorry for her husband Her words have been carefully chosen. Danielle, of course, told her husband she could go. She
told her husband she was going to get Stacy to babysit

Stacy: (Long, long pause.) Well, I suppose I could see if I could maybe help you out. During the pause this time, Stacy
thought: "Oh, no. No, no, no. I hate watching her kids. She never watches mine. I don't want to. I won't. Darn her for
putting me in this spot all the time. Rats. But how could I say no? I should help people. Do unto others. And she needs
me so much. God, I don't want her to get angry at me. Besides, if I don't help her out, who will? She leads such a
pathetic life. But this is the last time. The last time ever." The feelings were anger, pity, guilt, saintly, and back to anger.
Notice how she demeaned Danielle by labeling her helpless; notice her grandiose feelings of responsibility: "I'm the only
person in the world who can help her." Also, notice how she worded her response. She was hoping Danielle would
notice Stacy's lack of enthusiasm and rescue her by telling her to forget it.

Danielle: Would you really babysit? Thanks so much. You're the greatest. I never dreamt you'd actually do this for me.
"Ah, ha! Got what I wanted."

Stacy: No problem. Glad to help. "I don't want to do this. Why does this always happen to me?"

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

In the next conversation Robert wants his wife, Sally, to call his boss and tell him Robert is sick. Robert was out drinking
until 3 A.M. the

page_178

Page 179

evening before. His alcoholism is causing increasing problems at home and on the job. During the conversation he feels
sick, angry, guilty, and desperate. Sally feels the same way.

Robert: Good morning, honey. How's my sweetie pie today? "Heaven help me, I feel awful. I can't go to work. She's mad.
I can't face the boss. Better lather her up, get her to call in for me, and then I'll go back to bed. Better yet, I need another
drink. Quick."

Sally: I'm fine. (Said in a clipped, martyred voice after a cold stare, a dirty look, and a long silence.) What Sally meant
was: " I feel hurt. I feel angry. How could you do this to me? You were out again drinking last night. You promised not
to do it anymore. Our lives are falling apart, and you don't care. Look at you: You're a mess. I can't stand this!"

Robert: Honey, I feel so sick today. I must be getting the flu. I can't even eat breakfast. Call my boss, okay? Tell him I'll