be in tomorrow, if I'm better. Could you do that for the old dad? C'mon. Be my little sweetheart. I'm so sick. "I'm
helpless, and I need you. Take care of me, and do it right now. I know you're angry at me, so I'll try to get you to feel
sorry for me."
Sally: I really don't think I should call your boss. He likes to talk to you when you're not going to come in. He always
has questions about things, and I can't answer them. Don't you think it would be better if you called? After all, you know
what you want to say. "I hate calling his boss. I hate lying for him. But if I say no, he'll get angry. I'll try to act more
helpless than he is."
Robert: What's with you, anyway? Can't you do that one little thing for me? Are you that selfish? I know you're mad at
me. You're always mad at me. It's no wonder I drink, with a wife like you. Go ahead. Don't call. But if I lose my job, it's
your fault. "How dare she refuse me?" he thinks. Then he decides it's time to get tough. He's got to get her to do this. He
decides to throw a big portion of guilt at her, then top it off with a little fear. He knows she's worried about him losing
his job. While he's at it, he lays the groundwork for today's drinking.
Sally: Fine. I'll do it. But don't you ever ask me to do it again. And if you drink one more time, I'm leaving you. Feeling
trapped, Sally
page_179Page 180calls Robert's boss. Robert made his points well. He hit Sally on all her weak spots. She is afraid of being called selfish
because she thinks it would be terrible if she was selfish; she feels guilty because she knows she is mad all the time; she
feels responsible for Robert's drinking; and she is afraid of him losing his job. That business about leaving him if he
drank again was an empty threat; she has made no decision to leave Robert. And the next time Robert asks her, she will
call his boss again. After Sally makes the phone call she flies into a rage at Robert, persecuting him. She then ends up
feeling sorry for herself and victimized. She also continues to feel extremely guilty, harboring the thought that there is
something wrong with her for all her feelings and reactions, because Robert appears so powerful and she feels so weak
and insecure.
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In this conversation, a counselor is talking to an alcoholic husband and his wife in a family therapy group. The couple
appears to be the perfect couple. This is not their first time attending this group, but it is the first time the counselor
focuses on them.
Counselor: Steven and Joanne, I'm glad you're both here tonight. How are you doing?
Steven: We're doing great. Just great. Aren't we, Joanne?
Joanne: (Smile). Yes. Everything's fine. (Nervous laugh.)
Counselor: Joanne, you're laughing, but I sense something is wrong. It's okay to talk in here. It's okay to talk about your
feelings, and it's okay to talk about your problems. This is what this group is for. What's going on underneath your
smile?
Joanne: (Her smile crumbles, and she begins crying.) I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of him hitting me. I'm so sick of
being scared of him. I'm sick of the lies. I'm sick of the promises that are never kept. And I'm sick of being slapped
around.
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Now that we've "listened" to some codependents' talk, let's consider the dialogue we use. Many codependents have poor
communication