chemically activated stress hormones from the body.
Parents are most affected by a baby’s cry. We can assure you of this
truth: you will not take pleasure in hearing that sound, especially if you
are a first-time parent. Baby’s cry evokes in you emotions of uncertainty
that you never knew before. You have never experienced as powerful an
emotion that causes you to wonder if you have done something wrong.
It’s an ornery, unfamiliar feeling you are forced to experience inside
yourself. This is your baby, and this crying seems simply intolerable. If
only you knew what to do. With a bit of help, you can.
The Inevitable Conflict
Should mom immediately offer her breast every time baby cries? Does
this immediate response somehow instill love in baby’s heart? Then what
about not responding to every cry with breast-feeding? Does this teach
disappointment? Does the lack of immediate, ten-second response time
create irreversible latent effects on personality development which
surface years later, according to attachment theorists? We believe the
answer to these questions is no. The question isn’t whether crying is bad
for your baby. The question is this: Will blocking baby’s cry be good for
him? The answer to this question also is no.
By blocking the cry, mother loses confidence in her own decision
making. She also misses out on assessing the child’s real needs. While
she may be meeting a secondary cue, she probably is missing her baby’s
primary cues. The cue she is responding to is the sound of the cry. What
mom needs to respond to is the why of the cry. Learn to assess the why
behind baby’s cry. Only then can your responses be rational and
purposeful instead of emotive.
Whether it is blocking a baby’s cry by offering food at each whimper
or wearing baby in a sling all day to eliminate crying, beware. Indeed,
babies who are allowed unlimited feedings, who are carried in a sling
during the day, and who sleep with their mothers at night, do cry very
little. This is true. However, this is not a result of love, training, and an
abiding sense of security. Such babies cry less because this parenting