emotionally stable.
Marisa’s mom has been bombarded by clichés: “You can’t hurt a
baby by picking her up whenever she cries.” “You can’t spoil her by
loving her too much.” Such clichés are relative and meaningless. The real
issue is not a spoiled child but creating within the child a dependent
predisposition for immediate gratification. This becomes a destructive
influence on her pretoddler and toddler development because it
undermines the natural development of coping skills. Yes, you can harm
a baby by picking him or her up too much. Not in that single act, but in
the collective nature of such a response. Over time this parenting attitude
creates negative propensities. These inevitably spill over into pretoddler
and toddler development.
Research has clearly demonstrated that immediate-gratification
training negatively impacts a child’s ability to learn, affecting the skills
of sitting, focusing, and concentrating. All are prerequisites for academic
advancement.^2 These are facts. No evidence exists to prove that an
immediate response to every cry teaches a baby about love. Likewise,
there is no evidence proving that some crying fosters insecurity. A child
learns love and gains security from the total context of the parent-child
relationship and not a single act.
Here is the good news. Babies under the parent-directed feeding plan
tend to cry less in the long run than babies who are demand fed. Why?
Infants on a routine grow confident and secure in that routine. Their lives
have order, and they learn the lesson of flexibility early in life. They
settle into regular and predictable rhythms of activity, develop greater
tolerance to frustration, and learn to use modes of communication other
than crying. Chelsea expresses herself with happy sounds such as cooing
and by excited body motions such as bouncing. These are additional
modes of “baby talk.”
Cries to Listen For
Some crying is normal. You need to expect it. However, you also need to
stay alert to certain identifiable cries. For example, a high-pitched,