On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

the dangers of sleeping with a baby. As more infant deaths are reported in
America, state legislators are beginning to consider laws designed to
discourage the practice. Why take a chance?
Sleeping with your baby creates needs but doesn’t fulfill them. Your
child won’t be any more secure, feel more loved, or have any greater
advantages in life than a child who sleeps alone. What the nighttime
parenting advocates gloss over are sleep problems created as the child
grows older.
We believe this practice hinders the development of trust between
parent and child, since the child is never given the opportunity to learn
how to trust. The child who can sleep alone, knowing that mom and dad
will come when needed, is much more secure than the child who is never
alone and can’t exist outside his or her parents’ presence. With the latter,
trust is based upon proximity rather than a relationship. The measure of a
child’s security is never found in the presence of his or her parent, but in
how well the child copes away from parents. The benefits of shared sleep
are clearly exaggerated.
Shared sleep confuses infant sleep cycles. And separation anxiety
often occurs when the child is asked to leave mom and dad’s bed. If an
infant is placed in his or her own bed and room right from the beginning,
no separation anxiety takes place since no dependent nighttime
relationship is established. Also, shared sleep has proven problematic for
many nursing mothers since the fear of rolling on top of the baby creates
anxiety which affects sleep and milk production.
Contrast the nighttime peace associated with a baby sleeping soundly
in his or her crib to the squeezed, squirming, and disrupted sleep moms
and dads who share a bed with their baby experience. As one mother
states, in reference to having her baby sleep with her and her husband, “It
wasn’t as natural as they said it would be. Every sound, move, and
restless fit the child made was amplified. We held our breath hoping upon
hope that the child would not wake and demand of me. My comfort
during the day and night became a reluctant duty and not a true
expression of a mother’s love. The theory robbed me of the joy of
motherhood.”