Compromise and concession, even to the truth, feels like
defeat. And “No,” well, “No” feels like salvation, like an
oasis. You’re tempted to use “No” when it’s blatantly
untrue, just to hear its sweet sound. “No, I do not need
water, carbon filtered or otherwise. I’m a camel!”
Now let’s think about this selling technique. It’s
designed to get to “Yes” at all costs, as if “No” were death.
And for many of us it is. We have all these negative
connotations with “No.” We talk about the rejection of
“No,” about the fear of hearing it. “No” is the ultimate
negative word.
But at the end of the day, “Yes” is often a meaningless
answer that hides deeper objections (and “Maybe” is even
worse). Pushing hard for “Yes” doesn’t get a negotiator any
closer to a win; it just angers the other side.
So if “Yes” can be so damn uncomfortable, and “No”
such a relief, why have we fetishized one and demonized
the other?
We have it backward. For good negotiators, “No” is pure
gold. That negative provides a great opportunity for you and
the other party to clarify what you really want by
eliminating what you don’t want. “No” is a safe choice that
maintains the status quo; it provides a temporary oasis of
control.
At some point in their development, all negotiators have to
come to grips with “No.” When you come to realize the real
psychological dynamic behind it, you’ll love the word. It’s
not just that you lose your fear of it, but that you come to