and occasionally, actually contributed to death.
It comes down to the deep and universal human need for
autonomy. People need to feel in control. When you
preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them
permission to say “No” to your ideas, the emotions calm,
the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party
can really look at your proposal. They’re allowed to hold it
in their hands, to turn it around. And it gives you time to
elaborate or pivot in order to convince your counterpart that
the change you’re proposing is more advantageous than the
status quo.
Great negotiators seek “No” because they know that’s
often when the real negotiation begins.
Politely saying “No” to your opponent (we’ll go into this in
more depth in Chapter 9), calmly hearing “No,” and just
letting the other side know that they are welcome to say
“No” has a positive impact on any negotiation. In fact, your
invitation for the other side to say “No” has an amazing
power to bring down barriers and allow for beneficial
communication.
This means you have to train yourself to hear “No” as
something other than rejection, and respond accordingly.
When someone tells you “No,” you need to rethink the
word in one of its alternative—and much more real—
meanings:
■ I am not yet ready to agree;