Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

counterpart—his opponent—vanquished and in defeat. He is
Russell Crowe in Gladiator. He is The Man.
Now allow me to let you in on a secret: None of that
preparation will mean a damn thing. His negotiation style is
all me, me, me, ego, ego, ego. And when the people on the
other side of the table pick up those signals, they’re going to
decide that it’s best to politely, even furtively, ignore this
Superman . . . by saying “Yes”!
“Huh?” you say.
Sure, the word they’ll say right off is “Yes,” but that
word is only a tool to get this blowhard to go away. They’ll
weasel out later, claiming changing conditions, budget
issues, the weather. For now, they just want to be released
because Joe isn’t convincing them of anything; he’s only
convincing himself.
I’ll let you in on a secret. There are actually three kinds
of “Yes”: Counterfeit, Confirmation, and Commitment.
A counterfeit “yes” is one in which your counterpart
plans on saying “no” but either feels “yes” is an easier
escape route or just wants to disingenuously keep the
conversation going to obtain more information or some
other kind of edge. A confirmation “yes” is generally
innocent, a reflexive response to a black-or-white question;
it’s sometimes used to lay a trap but mostly it’s just simple
affirmation with no promise of action. And a commitment
“yes” is the real deal; it’s a true agreement that leads to
action, a “yes” at the table that ends with a signature on the
contract. The commitment “yes” is what you want, but the