tell my students that, if you’re trying to sell something, don’t
start with “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” Instead ask,
“Is now a bad time to talk?” Either you get “Yes, it is a bad
time” followed by a good time or a request to go away, or
you get “No, it’s not” and total focus.
As an exercise, the next time you get a telemarketing
call, write down the questions the seller asks. I promise
you’ll find that your level of discomfort correlates directly to
how quickly he pushes you for “Yes.”
My colleague Marti Evelsizer was the one who first opened
my eyes to why “No” was better than “Yes.”
Marti was the FBI’s Crisis Negotiation Coordinator in
Pittsburgh at the time. She was a dynamo and a negotiating
genius, which earned her huge respect both within the
Bureau and with the local police. But human beings are
innately jealous, and her immediate supervisor was no
exception to that rule. Her success diminished him, and that
made her a threat.
His jealousy got the better of him when the Pittsburgh
Police Department’s Hostage Negotiation Team asked her to
sit on the selection board for their new candidates. Picking
her, and doing so over her boss, was an unprecedented
move.
So her boss decided to remove her from her position. For
ignoring her regular duties, he said. But really it was for
being a threat.
When Marti sat down with her supervisor for her official
dismissal, her options were few. He had every right to do as