Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

the one word they all dread. The entire group yelled, “No!”
To them—and to almost everyone—“No” means one thing:
end of discussion.
But that’s not what it means.
“No” is not failure. Used strategically it’s an answer that
opens the path forward. Getting to the point where you’re
no longer horrified by the word “No” is a liberating moment
that every negotiator needs to reach. Because if your biggest
fear is “No,” you can’t negotiate. You’re the hostage of
“Yes.” You’re handcuffed. You’re done.
So let’s undress “No.” It’s a reaffirmation of autonomy.
It is not a use or abuse of power; it is not an act of rejection;
it is not a manifestation of stubbornness; it is not the end of
the negotiation.
In fact, “No” often opens the discussion up. The sooner
you say “No,” the sooner you’re willing to see options and
opportunities that you were blind to previously. Saying
“No” often spurs people to action because they feel they’ve
protected themselves and now see an opportunity slipping
away.
Since I’ve demystified “No” for myself, I’ve found the
ideas, perceptions, and baggage that people have with that
two-letter word to be fascinating. To me, it’s like watching a
movie or a music video from the 1980s for the umpteenth
time. You can identify with the experience—while
simultaneously being conscious of the fact that the world,
and you, have moved on.
Today, I coach my students to learn to see “No” for what