it is. Rather than harming them or those they negotiate with,
“No” protects and benefits all parties in an exchange. “No”
creates safety, security, and the feeling of control. It’s a
requirement to implementable success. It’s a pause, a nudge,
and a chance for the speaker to articulate what they do want.
As you can see, “No” has a lot of skills.■ “No” allows the real issues to be brought forth;■ “No” protects people from making—and lets
them correct—ineffective decisions;■ “No” slows things down so that people can
freely embrace their decisions and the
agreements they enter into;■ “No” helps people feel safe, secure, emotionally
comfortable, and in control of their decisions;■ “No” moves everyone’s efforts forward.One of my grad school students, a political fund-raiser
named Ben Ottenhoff, drove home this lesson with a bang.
For years, he’d been using a traditional “Yes pattern” fund-
raising script to raise money for Republican congressional
candidates.
FUND-RAISER: Hello, can I speak with Mr. Smith?
MR. SMITH: Yes, this is he.