behavior changes . . .” The grateful patient responds: “Yes,
yes, yes, of course, Doctor! This is my second chance. I will
change!”
And do they? Study after study has shown that, no,
nothing changes; two years after their operation, more than
90 percent of patients haven’t changed their lifestyle at all.
Though the stakes of an everyday negotiation with your
child, boss, or client are usually not as high as that of a
hostage (or health crisis) negotiation, the psychological
environment necessary for not just temporary in-the-
moment compliance, but real gut-level change, is the same.
If you successfully take someone up the Behavioral
Change Stairway, each stage attempting to engender more
trust and more connection, there will be a breakthrough
moment when unconditional positive regard is established
and you can begin exerting influence.
After years of refining the BCSM and its tactics, I can
teach anyone how to get to that moment. But as
cardiologists know all too well, and legions of B-school
grads weaned on the most famous negotiating book in the
world, Getting to Yes, have ultimately discovered, you more
than likely haven’t gotten there yet if what you’re hearing is
the word “yes.”
As you’ll soon learn, the sweetest two words in any
negotiation are actually “That’s right.”
CREATE A SUBTLE EPIPHANY
I was a natural for the Schilling case. I had spent some time