Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

spend several hours both on Saturday and Sunday working
on negotiation strategy.
That Saturday night we sat in the library of the American
ambassador’s summer residence working on the strategy. As
I was explaining to Benjie the value of establishing a
rapport-based, working relationship, even with an adversary
as dangerous as Sabaya, I could see a snarl coming over his
face. I realized I needed to negotiate with Benjie.
“You hate Sabaya, don’t you?” I said, leading with a
label.
Benjie unloaded on me. “I tell you I do!” he said. “He
has murdered and raped. He has come up on our radio when
we were lobbing mortars on his position and said ‘these
mortars are music to my ears.’ I heard his voice come on
our radio one day and celebrate that he was standing over
the body of one of my men.”
This outburst was Benjie’s equivalent of “that’s right.”
As he acknowledged his rage, I watched him get control of
his anger and calm down. Though he had been very good
up to that point, from that moment forward Benjie became a
superstar. He blossomed into a truly talented negotiator.
This “negotiation” between Benjie and me was no
different than any other negotiation between colleagues who
disagree on a strategy. Before you convince them to see
what you’re trying to accomplish, you have to say the things
to them that will get them to say, “That’s right.”
The “that’s right” breakthrough usually doesn’t come at
the beginning of a negotiation. It’s invisible to the