Sabaya to keep talking until eventually, like
clearing out a swamp, the emotions were drained
from the dialogue.
- Minimal Encouragers: Besides silence, we
instructed using simple phrases, such as “Yes,”
“OK,” “Uh-huh,” or “I see,” to effectively
convey that Benjie was now paying full attention
to Sabaya and all he had to say.
- Mirroring: Rather than argue with Sabaya and try
to separate Schilling from the “war damages,”
Benjie would listen and repeat back what Sabaya
said.
- Labeling: Benjie should give Sabaya’s feelings a
name and identify with how he felt. “It all seems
so tragically unfair, I can now see why you
sound so angry.”
- Paraphrase: Benjie should repeat what Sabaya is
saying back to him in Benjie’s own words. This,
we told him, would powerfully show him you
really do understand and aren’t merely parroting
his concerns.
- Summarize: A good summary is the combination
of rearticulating the meaning of what is said plus
the acknowledgment of the emotions underlying
