blind spots, hidden needs, and undeveloped notions.
Once you understand that subterranean world of
unspoken needs and thoughts, you’ll discover a universe of
variables that can be leveraged to change your counterpart’s
needs and expectations. From using some people’s fear of
deadlines and the mysterious power of odd numbers, to our
misunderstood relationship to fairness, there are always
ways to bend our counterpart’s reality so it conforms to
what we ultimately want to give them, not to what they
initially think they deserve.
DON’T COMPROMISE
Let’s go back to the $150,000 ransom demand. We’re
always taught to look for the win-win solution, to
accommodate, to be reasonable. So what’s the win-win
here? What’s the compromise? The traditional negotiating
logic that’s drilled into us from an early age, the kind that
exalts compromises, says, “Let’s just split the difference and
offer them $75,000. Then everyone’s happy.”
No. Just, simply, no. The win-win mindset pushed by so
many negotiation experts is usually ineffective and often
disastrous. At best, it satisfies neither side. And if you
employ it with a counterpart who has a win-lose approach,
you’re setting yourself up to be swindled.
Of course, as we’ve noted previously, you need to keep
the cooperative, rapport-building, empathetic approach, the
kind that creates a dynamic in which deals can be made. But
you have to get rid of that naïveté. Because compromise