able to decide if it can use nuclear energy. And why, Iran
wonders, is it considered a pariah for enriching uranium
when India and Pakistan, which clandestinely acquired
nuclear weapons, are accepted members of the international
community?
In a TV interview, former Iranian nuclear negotiator
Seyed Hossein Mousavian hit the nail on the head. “The
nuclear issue today for Iranians is not nuclear,” he said, “it’s
defending their integrity [as an] independent identity against
the pressure of the rest.”
You may not trust Iran, but its moves are pretty clear
evidence that rejecting perceived unfairness, even at
substantial cost, is a powerful motivation.
Once you understand what a messy, emotional, and
destructive dynamic “fairness” can be, you can see why
“Fair” is a tremendously powerful word that you need to use
with care.
In fact, of the three ways that people drop this F-bomb,
only one is positive.
The most common use is a judo-like defensive move that
destabilizes the other side. This manipulation usually takes
the form of something like, “We just want what’s fair.”
Think back to the last time someone made this implicit
accusation of unfairness to you, and I bet you’ll have to
admit that it immediately triggered feelings of defensiveness
and discomfort. These feelings are often subconscious and
often lead to an irrational concession.
A friend of mine was selling her Boston home in a bust