change from your long-standing vendor and choose our
company?” is another. As always, tone of voice, respectful
and deferential, is critical.
Otherwise, treat “why” like a burner on a hot stove—
don’t touch it.
Having just two words to start with might not seem like a
lot of ammunition, but trust me, you can use “what” and
“how” to calibrate nearly any question. “Does this look like
something you would like?” can become “How does this
look to you?” or “What about this works for you?” You can
even ask, “What about this doesn’t work for you?” and
you’ll probably trigger quite a bit of useful information from
your counterpart.
Even something as harsh as “Why did you do it?” can be
calibrated to “What caused you to do it?” which takes away
the emotion and makes the question less accusatory.
You should use calibrated questions early and often, and
there are a few that you will find that you will use in the
beginning of nearly every negotiation. “What is the biggest
challenge you face?” is one of those questions. It just gets
the other side to teach you something about themselves,
which is critical to any negotiation because all negotiation is
an information-gathering process.
Here are some other great standbys that I use in almost
every negotiation, depending on the situation:
■ What about this is important to you?■ How can I help to make this better for us?