Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

even get half.
With that in mind, I want to end this chapter with some
advice on how to remain rational in a negotiation. Even with
all the best techniques and strategy, you need to regulate
your emotions if you want to have any hope of coming out
on top.
The first and most basic rule of keeping your emotional
cool is to bite your tongue. Not literally, of course. But you
have to keep away from knee-jerk, passionate reactions.
Pause. Think. Let the passion dissipate. That allows you to
collect your thoughts and be more circumspect in what you
say. It also lowers your chance of saying more than you
want to.
The Japanese have this figured out. When negotiating
with a foreigner, it’s common practice for a Japanese
businessman to use a translator even when he understands
perfectly what the other side is saying. That’s because
speaking through a translator forces him to step back. It
gives him time to frame his response.
Another simple rule is, when you are verbally assaulted,
do not counterattack. Instead, disarm your counterpart by
asking a calibrated question. The next time a waiter or
salesclerk tries to engage you in a verbal skirmish, try this
out. I promise you it will change the entire tenor of the
conversation.
The basic issue here is that when people feel that they
are not in control, they adopt what psychologists call a
hostage mentality. That is, in moments of conflict they react