to spot and interpret the subtleties of communication—both
verbal and nonverbal—that reveal the mental states of your
counterparts.
Truly effective negotiators are conscious of the verbal,
paraverbal (how it’s said), and nonverbal communications
that pervade negotiations and group dynamics. And they
know how to employ those subtleties to their benefit. Even
changing a single word when you present options—like
using “not lose” instead of “keep”—can unconsciously
influence the conscious choices your counterpart makes.
Here I want to talk about the tools you need to ID liars,
disarm jerks, and charm everybody else. Of course, the
open-ended “How” question is one of them—maybe the
most important one—but there are many more.
Alastair Onglingswan was living in the Philippines when,
one evening in 2004, he hailed a taxi and settled in for a
long ride home from Manila’s Greenhills shopping center.
He dozed off.
And he woke up in chains.
Unfortunately for Alastair, the cabbie had a second
business as a kidnapper. He kept a bottle of ether in his front
seat, and when a target fell asleep he would drug him,
imprison him, and ask for ransom.
Within hours, the kidnapper used Alastair’s phone to
contact his girlfriend in New York. He demanded a daily
payment to “take care” of Alastair while he researched the
family’s wealth.
“It’s okay if you don’t pay,” he said. “I can always sell