I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me” is an elegant
second way to say “No.”
This well-tested response avoids making a counteroffer,
and the use of “generous” nurtures your counterpart to live
up to the word. The “I’m sorry” also softens the “No” and
builds empathy. (You can ignore the so-called negotiating
experts who say apologies are always signs of weakness.)
Then you can use something like “I’m sorry but I’m
afraid I just can’t do that.” It’s a little more direct, and the
“can’t do that” does great double duty. By expressing an
inability to perform, it can trigger the other side’s empathy
toward you.
“I’m sorry, no” is a slightly more succinct version for the
fourth “No.” If delivered gently, it barely sounds negative at
all.
If you have to go further, of course, “No” is the last and
most direct way. Verbally, it should be delivered with a
downward inflection and a tone of regard; it’s not meant to
be “NO!”
One of my students, a guy named Jesus Bueno, wrote me
not long ago to tell me an amazing story about how he’d
used the multi-step “No” to help his brother Joaquin out of a
sticky business situation.
His brother and two friends had bought a cannabis grow
shop franchise in northern Spain, where the cultivation of
marijuana for personal use is legal. Joaquin and his partner,
Bruno, each invested 20,000 euros in the business for a 46
percent stake (a minority partner invested another €3,500