calibrated questions, labels, and summaries. The most
important thing to get from an Assertive will be a “that’s
right” that may come in the form of a “that’s it exactly” or
“you hit it on the head.”
When it comes to reciprocity, this type is of the “give an
inch/take a mile” mentality. They will have figured they
deserve whatever you have given them so they will be
oblivious to expectations of owing something in return.
They will actually simply be looking for the opportunity to
receive more. If they have given some kind of concession,
they are surely counting the seconds until they get
something in return.
If you are an Assertive, be particularly conscious of your
tone. You will not intend to be overly harsh but you will
often come off that way. Intentionally soften your tone and
work to make it more pleasant. Use calibrated questions and
labels with your counterpart since that will also make you
more approachable and increase the chances for
collaboration.
We’ve seen how each of these groups views the importance
of time differently (time = preparation; time = relationship;
time = money). They also have completely different
interpretations of silence.
I’m definitely an Assertive, and at a conference this
Accommodator type told me that he blew up a deal. I
thought, What did you do, scream at the other guy and
leave? Because that’s me blowing up a deal.
But it turned out that he went silent; for an