Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

arguments out of fear that the tone will escalate into
personal attacks they cannot handle. People in close
relationships often avoid making their own interests known
and instead compromise across the board to avoid being
perceived as greedy or self-interested. They fold, they grow
bitter, and they grow apart. We’ve all heard of marriages
that ended in divorce and the couple never fought.
Families are just an extreme version of all parts of
humanity, from government to business. Except for a few
naturals, everyone hates negotiation at first. Your hands
sweat, your fight-or-flight kicks in (with a strong emphasis
o n flight), and your thoughts trip drunkenly over
themselves.
The natural first impulse for most of us is to chicken out,
throw in the towel, run. The mere idea of tossing out an
extreme anchor is traumatic. That’s why wimp-win deals are
the norm in the kitchen and in the boardroom.
But stop and think about that. Are we really afraid of the
guy across the table? I can promise you that, with very few
exceptions, he’s not going to reach across and slug you.
No, our sweaty palms are just an expression of
physiological fear, a few trigger-happy neurons firing
because of something more base: our innate human desire to
get along with other members of the tribe. It’s not the guy
across the table who scares us: it’s conflict itself.
If this book accomplishes only one thing, I hope it gets
you over that fear of conflict and encourages you to
navigate it with empathy. If you’re going to be great at