your counterpart to your goals. But you are also leading
them to examine and articulate what they want and why and
how they can achieve it. You are demanding creativity of
them, and therefore pushing them toward a collaborative
solution.
When I bought my red 4Runner, no doubt I disappointed
the salesman by giving him a smaller payday than he would
have liked. But I helped him reach his quota, and no doubt I
paid more for the truck than the car lot had paid Toyota. If
all I’d wanted was to “win,” to humiliate, I would have
stolen the thing.
And so I’m going to leave you with one request:
Whether it’s in the office or around the family dinner table,
don’t avoid honest, clear conflict. It will get you the best car
price, the higher salary, and the largest donation. It will also
save your marriage, your friendship, and your family.
One can only be an exceptional negotiator, and a great
person, by both listening and speaking clearly and
empathetically; by treating counterparts—and oneself—with
dignity and respect; and most of all by being honest about
what one wants and what one can—and cannot—do. Every
negotiation, every conversation, every moment of life, is a
series of small conflicts that, managed well, can rise to
creative beauty.
Embrace them.
KEY LESSONS
What we don’t know can kill us or our deals. But