Onglingswan kidnapping, 173–75, 179
prison siege, St. Martin Parish, Louisiana, 162–63, 171
“proof of life” and, 34, 147, 148–49, 165, 170
Schilling case, 96, 98–105
terrorists and, 232
“that’s right” and, 101–5“knowing their religion,” 225, 228–29, 244
offering reasons that reference counterpart’s religion, 231
power of hopes and dreams and, 230–31
similarity principle and, 229–30
Koresh, David, 13
labeling, 19, 50, 54–73, 112
accusation audit, 64–68, 73, 254–55
Assertive (bargaining style) and, 196
avoiding “I,” 56
cranky grandfather example, 59
deescalating angry confrontations with, 58–59
to discover source of incongruence, 176
empathy as a mood enhancer, 62
empathy building and, 239
to extract information, 239, 257–58
of fears, 61–62
fill-in-the-blank examples, 255, 258
Girl Scout fundraiser and, 62–63
intentionally mislabeling an emotion, 91, 94
key lessons of, 71–73
labeling and calming fear, 61, 63, 64, 67, 73
lawyers and “taking the sting out” technique, 65