face, gestures, and tone of voice, our brain begins to align
with theirs in a process called neural resonance, and that lets
us know more fully what they think and feel.
In an fMRI brain-scan experiment,^1 researchers at
Princeton University found that neural resonance disappears
when people communicate poorly. The researchers could
predict how well people were communicating by observing
how much their brains were aligned. And they discovered
that people who paid the most attention—good listeners—
could actually anticipate what the speaker was about to say
before he said it.
If you want to increase your neural resonance skills, take
a moment right now and practice. Turn your attention to
someone who’s talking near you, or watch a person being
interviewed on TV. As they talk, imagine that you are that
person. Visualize yourself in the position they describe and
put in as much detail as you can, as if you were actually
there.
But be warned, a lot of classic deal makers will think
your approach is softheaded and weak.
Just ask former secretary of state Hillary Clinton.
A few years ago during a speech at Georgetown
University, Clinton advocated, “showing respect, even for
one’s enemies. Trying to understand and, insofar as
psychologically possible, empathize with their perspective
and point of view.”
You can predict what happened next. A gaggle of
pundits and politicians pounced on her. They called her