Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

I knew I needed to call and assuage him to straighten out
the situation, or I risked being expelled. Top guys like to
feel on top. They don’t want to be disrespected. All the
more so when the office they run isn’t a sexy assignment.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” I said when he
answered the phone.
There was a long pause at the other end of the line.
“Who is this?” he said.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” I repeated. “It’s
Chris Voss.”
Again there was a long silence.
“Does your boss know you’re here?”
I said he did, and crossed my fingers. At this point, the
FBI official would have been completely within his rights to
tell me to leave Canada immediately. But by mentioning the
negative dynamic, I knew I’d diffused it as much as I could.
I had a chance.
“All right, you’ve got country clearance,” he finally said.
“I’ll take care of the paperwork.”
Try this the next time you have to apologize for a bone-
headed mistake. Go right at it. The fastest and most efficient
means of establishing a quick working relationship is to
acknowledge the negative and diffuse it. Whenever I was
dealing with the family of a hostage, I started out by saying
I knew they were scared. And when I make a mistake—
something that happens a lot—I always acknowledge the
other person’s anger. I’ve found the phrase “Look, I’m an
asshole” to be an amazingly effective way to make