problems go away.
That approach has never failed me.
Let’s go back to the cranky grandfather.
He’s grumpy because he never sees the family and he
feels left out. So he’s speaking up in his own dysfunctional
way to get attention.
How do you fix that?
Instead of addressing his grumpy behavior, you
acknowledge his sadness in a nonjudgmental way. You
head him off before he can really get started.
“We don’t see each other all that often,” you could say.
“It seems like you feel like we don’t pay any attention to
you and you only see us once a year, so why should you
make time for us?”
Notice how that acknowledges the situation and labels
his sadness? Here you can pause briefly, letting him
recognize and appreciate your attempts to understand what
he’s feeling, and then turn the situation around by offering a
positive solution.
“For us this is a real treat. We want to hear what you
have to talk about. We want to value this time with you
because we feel left out of your life.”
Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity
is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment.
Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it
with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.
One of my Georgetown University students, a guy named