■ Considering the needs of yourself and others
■ Learning from experienceOutcomes Offered
■ Discriminatory skills
■ Ownership of behavior
■ Consideration of others and safety
■ EnjoymentSometimes when you are growing up it’s hard to know what is expected of you. Mom says, “Do
the dishes,” and Dad says, “Do you homework.” Dad says, “Come here,” and Mom says, “Go there.”
I’m sure you know what I mean. What do you do? What is okay and what is not? And how do you
know?
That was the dilemma Harry was in. His mom and dad had some friends visiting from out of
town. These friends had two boys: Dave, who was a little older than Harry, and Mitch, who was a
little younger. While the two sets of parents sat talking over coffee after lunch, the boys disappeared
into Harry’s bedroom and were soon rough-housing and having pillow fights with each other. The
parents had a laugh about it, commenting on how “Boys will be boys.”
Later, visiting the neighborhood park, the parents walked and talked while the boys hung back,
still rough-housing. When Mitch, the youngest, got dumped to the ground and came up crying,
Harry got a lecture from his dad —probably because he happened to look guiltier than Dave did.
“Hang on,” said Mitch’s mom, trying to calm the situation a bit. “They were just doing what
they were doing back home with the pillows before.”
“Yes,” said Harry’s dad, “but they have to learn to tell the difference between when it’s okay to
fool around and when it’s not. They need to learn when it’s safe and when it’s dangerous. Mitch could
have hit his head on one of the rocks by the path.”
Harry felt bad. He hadn’t meant to hurt Mitch. They had just been fooling around like at home,
as Mitch’s mom had said. So how can you tell when one time is okay and when another is not?
Harry’s dad’s anger was an example. Harry was always being told not to be angry, but he saw his
dad come home angry from work at times and he sure saw his dad get angry at the umpire when they
went to the baseball game on Saturdays. In fact, sometimes his dad would stand up and scream so
much that Mitch almost felt embarrassed to be with him. But he never saw his dad get angry with
Mom, and rarely angry with him. So Harry wondered, When is it okay and when is it not okay?
“You should always tell us the truth,” insisted both his mom and dad. But he had learned that if
he told the truth he could get into trouble. Besides, he had heard his mom tell a friend that she had
other plans when the friend invited her out... and Harry knew she didn’t have any other plans, at
all. He’d also heard Dad phone his boss one morning and say he had a really bad headache and
wouldn’t be coming to work that day, when Harry knew he didn’t have a headache but wanted to go
somewhere with Mom.
At the end of the walk, Harry’s parents and their friends stopped at the tavern in the park for a
drink. The tavern had a little sanctuary with some young male kangaroos that were fighting. They
balanced on their strong tails, punched each other with their paws, and slashed out with their long
hind legs. A crowd had gathered to watch in fascination. People were taking photos.
CREATING THOUGHTSCreating Helpful Thoughts 151