when they say, “A wealth of research has shown links between parenting style and child behaviour,
and the development of conduct problems in young children” (2003, p. 238). In fact, they state that
perhaps the most well-established risk variable is exposure to problematic parenting. Brinkmeyer and
Eyberg concur when they say, “The combination of poor parent-child attachment and poor child
behaviour management skills predicts more severe disruptive behaviour than either factor alone”
(2003, p. 205). What this means in practice is that, if a child comes into our office with conduct prob-
lems, whether they are simple annoyances to the family or something as significant as an act of crim-
inal behavior, by and large the causes are likely to be found in the parenting styles with which they
have been raised and, if this is so, it is toward the parenting style that therapy is best directed. Scott
Sells, in an article entitled “Getting Through to Resistant Parents,” is also specific when he says, “Par-
ents who lack good parenting skills tend to respond to their children’s bad behavior by repeating the
same, ineffective methods—threatening punishment, raising their voices, nagging, etc.” (2003,
p. 27). If we think about what this means in terms of treatment, it quickly falls back to one of the old
adages in pediatric psychotherapy: You work with the parents and their parenting skills rather than
the child. Sells draws the conclusion that one solution is to show the parents “how to stop an out-of-
control kid with a step-by-step road map,” with the therapist adopting the role of a “family coach”
(p. 27). Helping parents change their behavior has a strong likelihood of helping children change
theirs.
There are a number of approaches, with good empirical validation, for modifying parental styles
in child management (e.g., Brinkmeyer & Eyberg, 2003; Sanders, 1999; Webster-Stratton & Reid,
2003). Some authors, such as Selekman (1997, 2002), see the family as the appropriate unit for change
rather than the individual child or parents by themselves. While there is a sound rational and empir-
ical basis for parental and family interventions, they do not fall within the scope of this text but are
important to bear in mind by all child and adolescent therapists.
Let us say a parent brings a child to your office with a problem of nocturnal enuresis, but you
soon discover the child is lying awake at night, too frightened to go to sleep or go to the toilet, be-
cause Mom and Dad are fighting. Where does the problem lie, with the bedwetting child, or the
fighting parents? And who is your client? Here I can do no more than spotlight this problem as one
that child and adolescent therapists need to be mindful of, and suggest that metaphors forthe parents
may be a helpful method for gift-wrapping the message of change and improved parenting skills in a
way that engages their desire to overcome the problem. Depending on the circumstances and the
players, it may be possible to introduce a metaphor along the lines of, “Recently I saw another boy
about Johnny’s age who was experiencing a similar problem of bedwetting. Of course, there are a
number of good therapies to help with this type of problem now, and Johnny’s parents were eager to
see it fixed. I found it interesting when they raised the question of what they could do to help, so we
began to discuss the possibilities. If I asked you, what would you guess are the things they discussed?
... And the ways they suggested to help resolve them?.. .”
Planning and presenting stories for working withparents or families on problems in the parent-
child relationship, or with parents who are a risk factor in the child’s presenting problem follows the
same principles that were discussed in the preceding chapter about preparing and presenting healing
stories for children. If you would like to find out more about working with metaphor therapy for
adults, you may find Lankton and Lankton (1986), Kopp (1995), and Burns (2001) useful books.
TEACHING PARENTSTeaching Parents to Use Healing Stories 267