stories, in words and behaviors, that will teach the child about values, problem-solving, relationships,
and other necessary life skills—whether helpful or not. I have long considered the most important
role in life as that of being a parent, of educating our children, for this determines their future—and,
indeed, the future of the world. If we are to help educate parents in effective ways of communicat-
ing the values they want to offer their children, the methods for coping with various life challenges,
or the skills for enjoying a happy existence, we would do well to teach them the strategies for effec-
tive storytelling. In this way children can learn from the key teachers of their lives, the people who
are primarily responsible for their upbringing and for equipping them with the skills necessary for
life’s journey.
Creating Quality Time
In the role of parenthood it is easy to get caught up in all of life’s day-to-day responsibilities and de-
mands: time and stresses of work, mortgage repayments, demands of looking after a household, and
so on. While a child is quietly sitting watching TV or playing a computer game, it is easy to take the
opportunity to get on with the chores that “have” to be done, like washing the dishes, sweeping the
floor, mowing the lawn, or finishing off a brought-home work project on the laptop... and thus
miss having quality time with your child.
Rachel Remen based the title of her delightful book, Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal
(1996), on the recollection that when she was a young child, her family would sit around the kitchen
table, over the evening meal, telling their stories of the day. She, like Yapko, laments the loss of wis-
dom shared through those family stories, which she sees as important in the experience of learning
and healthy maturation. This adds another dimension. It is not just the art of storytelling and the con-
tentof the stories, but the processin which the teller and listener are permitted uninterrupted quality
time together to share an enjoyable, learning experience.
Communicating Effectively
Some years back I used to run parents’ and children’s groups in effective parenting skills. When I asked
parents and children separately what changes they thought would help improve the parent-child re-
lationship, the answer was almost universal. Children said things would be better if only their parents
stopped nagging them—a matter that was nearly always at the top of their lists. Parents, on the other
hand, said things would be better if they did not have to keep nagging at their children—a top item
on their lists. This fascinated me. Both saw nagging as a common problem in their relationship, both
found it undesirable, yet both continued to do the things that kept the pattern going. For parent and
child alike, nagging had become a major, common, but undesired pattern in their communication.
Communicating with stories may avoid the problem of parents’ lecturing, preaching, or nag-
ging. Certainly, there are times when direct and clear communications are desirable, such as if your
child is about to step into the road in front of a bus. This is notthe time to relate a lengthy and indi-
rect tale about the undesirability of stepping in front of a bus or the means for avoiding it. However,
there are other times when the indirection of metaphoric stories is an appropriate, and effective,
method of communication that may avoid the lecturing, preaching, or nagging. Jeffery Zeig, Direc-
tor of The Milton H Erickson Foundation (2004, in personal correspondence), said that informa-
TEACHING PARENTSTeaching Parents to Use Healing Stories 269