the entire company, bringing in more than double the average sales revenue.
It’s not a coincidence. The second-highest seller also more than doubled the average, and she’s a
giver too. Her name is Nancy Phelps, and she has the same philosophy as Kildare. “I get involved
with patients, ask where they work, what their hobbies are, what they like to do on vacations. It’s
about the patients and their needs.” It’s revealing that when patients walk in the door, they ask for
Nancy. “I’m a real believer in giving patients their new fresh eyes that they’re going to see their best
in,” she says.
To see whether Kildare and Nancy are exceptions to the rule, Dane Barnes and I asked hundreds
of opticians to complete a survey measuring whether they were takers, matchers, or givers. We also
gave them an intelligence test, assessing their ability to solve complex problems. Then we tracked
their sales revenue over the course of an entire year.
Even after controlling for intelligence, the givers outsold the matchers and takers. The average
giver brought in over 30 percent more annual revenue than matchers and 68 percent more than takers.
Even though matchers and takers together represented over 70 percent of the sellers, half of the top
sellers were givers. If all opticians were givers, the average company’s annual revenue would spike
from approximately $11.5 million to more than $15.1 million. Givers are the top sellers, and a key
reason is powerless communication.
Asking questions is a form of powerless communication that givers adopt naturally. Questions
work especially well when the audience is already skeptical of your influence, such as when you lack
credibility or status, or when you’re in a highly competitive negotiation situation. Neil Rackham spent
nine years studying expert and average negotiators. He identified expert negotiators as those who
were rated as highly effective by both sides, and had a strong track record of success with few
failures. He recorded more than one hundred negotiations and combed through them to see how the
experts differed from average negotiators. The expert negotiators spent much more time trying to
understand the other side’s perspective: questions made up over 21 percent of the experts’ comments
but less than 10 percent of the average negotiators’ comments.
If Kildare were a taker, he’d be more interested in leading with his own answers than asking
questions. But instead of telling patients what they want, he asks them what they want. One day, Mrs.
Jones comes out of an eye exam, and Kildare approaches her to find out if she’s interested in a new
pair of glasses. In one eye, she’s nearsighted. In the other eye, she’s farsighted. Her doctor has
prescribed a multifocal lens, but she’s clearly skeptical. She’s there to get her eyes examined, and has
no intention of making an expensive purchase. She tells Kildare she doesn’t want to try the new lens.
Instead of delivering an assertive pitch, Kildare starts asking her questions. “What kind of work
do you do?” He learns that she works at a computer, and he notices that when she’s trying to read, she
turns her head to privilege her nearsighted eye. When she’s looking at something in the distance, as
when driving, she turns her head the other way to rely on her farsighted eye. Kildare asks why the
doctor has prescribed a new lens, and she mentions that she’s struggling with distance, computer
work, and reading. He sees that she’s getting frustrated and reassures her: “If you feel you don’t need
corrective lenses, I’m not going to waste your time. Let me just ask you one more question: when will
you wear these glasses?” She says they would really only be useful at work, and they’re awfully
expensive if she can only wear them part of the day.
As he listens to her answer, Kildare realizes that his customer has a misconception about how
multifocal lenses can be used. He gently explains that she can use multifocal lenses not only at work,
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