the cancer. Although the oncologist was a prominent expert in his field, Burton remembers him
“mainly for what he taught me about uncritical acceptance of believing that you ‘are doing good.’ The
only way you can really know is if you ask the patient and you have a dialogue.”
In collaborations, takers rarely cross this perspective gap. They’re so focused on their own
viewpoints that they never end up seeing how others are reacting to their ideas and feedback. On the
other hand, researcher Jim Berry and I discovered that in creative work, givers are motivated to
benefit others, so they find ways to put themselves in other people’s shoes. When George Meyer was
editing the work of Simpsons animators and writers, he was facing a perspective gap. He was cutting
their favorite scenes and jokes, not his own. Recognizing that he couldn’t literally feel what they were
feeling, he found a close substitute: he reflected on what it felt like to receive feedback and have his
work revised when he was in their positions.
When he joined The Simpsons in 1989, Meyer had written a Thanksgiving episode that included a
dream sequence. He thought the sequence was hilarious, but Sam Simon, the show runner at the time,
didn’t agree. When Simon cut the dream from the script, Meyer was furious. “I flipped out. I was so
enraged that Sam had to send me to do another task, just to get me out of the room.” When criticizing
and changing the work of animators and writers, Meyer would look back on this experience. “I could
relate to that sense of being eviscerated when other people were rewriting their stuff,” he told me.
This made him more empathetic and considerate, helping other people to simmer down from intense
states and accept his revisions.
Like Meyer, successful givers shift their frames of reference to the recipient’s perspective. For
most people, this isn’t the natural starting point. Consider the common dilemma of giving a gift for a
wedding or a new baby’s arrival. When the recipient has created a registry, do you pick something
from the registry or send a unique gift?
One evening, my wife was searching for a wedding gift for some friends. She decided it was
more thoughtful and considerate to find something that wasn’t on their registry, and chose to send
candlesticks, assuming that our friends would appreciate the unique gift. Personally, I was perplexed.
Several years earlier, when we received wedding gifts, my wife was often disappointed when people
sent unique gifts, rather than choosing items from our registry. She knew she wanted particular items,
and it was quite rare for anyone to send a gift that she preferred over the ones she had actually
selected. Knowing that she preferred the registry gift when she was the recipient, why did she opt for
a unique gift when she was in the giving role?
To get to the bottom of this puzzle, researchers Francesca Gino of Harvard and Frank Flynn of
Stanford examined how senders and receivers react to registry gifts and unique gifts. They found that
senders consistently underestimated how much recipients appreciated registry gifts. In one
experiment, they recruited ninety people to either give or receive a gift from Amazon.com. The
receivers had twenty-four hours to create a wish list of ten products in the price range of twenty to
thirty dollars. The senders accessed the wish lists and were randomly assigned to either choose a
registry gift (from the list) or a unique gift (an idea of their own).
The senders expected that the recipients would appreciate the unique gift as somewhat more
thoughtful and personal. In fact, the opposite was true. The recipients reported significantly greater
appreciation of the registry gifts than the unique gifts. The same patterns emerged with friends giving
and receiving wedding gifts and birthday gifts. The senders preferred to give unique gifts, but the
recipients actually preferred the gifts they solicited on their registries and wish lists.
michael s
(Michael S)
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