The Book of Joy

the Archbishop, “Christian monks are always thinking they’re in the light
of God, dedicated to serving God. We cannot touch God directly, so the
only way is serving God’s children, humanity. So we are never really
lonely.
“Much depends on your attitude. If you are filled with negative
judgment and anger, then you will feel separate from other people. You
will feel lonely. But if you have an open heart and are filled with trust
and friendship, even if you are physically alone, even living a hermit’s
life, you will never feel lonely.”
“It is ironic, isn’t it?” I offered, remembering Lama Tenzin, who told
us, while we bought doughnuts on our way to Dharamsala, that he had a
desire to live in a cave for the traditional length of over three years. “You
can spend three years, three months, and three days in a cave and not be
lonely, but you can be lonely in the middle of a crowd.”
“That’s right,” the Dalai Lama replied. “There are at least seven
billion people and the number of sentient beings is limitless. If you are
always thinking about the seven billion human beings, you will never
experience loneliness.
“The only thing that will bring happiness is affection and
warmheartedness. This really brings inner strength and self-confidence,
reduces fear, develops trust, and trust brings friendship. We are social
animals, and cooperation is necessary for our survival, but cooperation is
entirely based on trust. When there is trust, people are brought together—
whole nations are brought together. When you have a more
compassionate mind and cultivate warmheartedness, the whole
atmosphere around you becomes more positive and friendlier. You see
friends everywhere. If you feel fear and distrust, then other people will
distance themselves. They will also feel cautious, suspicious, and
distrustful. Then comes the feeling of loneliness.
“When someone is warmhearted, they are always completely relaxed.
If you live with fear and consider yourself as something special, then
automatically, emotionally, you are distanced from others. You then
create the basis for feelings of alienation from others and loneliness. So, I
never consider, even when giving a talk to a large crowd, that I am