The Book of Joy

something special, I am ‘His Holiness the Dalai Lama,’” he said,
mocking his venerated status. “I always emphasize that when I meet
people, we are all the same human beings. A thousand people—same
human being. Ten thousand or a hundred thousand—same human being—
mentally, emotionally, and physically. Then, you see, no barrier. Then my
mind remains completely calm and relaxed. If too much emphasis on
myself, and I start to think I’m something special, then more anxiety,
more nervousness.
“The paradox is that although the drive behind excessive self-focus is
to seek greater happiness for yourself, it ends up doing exactly the
opposite. When you focus too much on yourself, you become
disconnected and alienated from others. In the end, you also become
alienated from yourself, since the need for connection with others is such
a fundamental part of who we are as human beings.
“This excessive self-focus is also bad for your health. Too much fear
and distrust, too much focus on yourself leads to stress and high blood
pressure. Many years ago, I was at a gathering of medical scientists and
researchers at Columbia University in New York. One of the medical
scientists said in his presentation that those people who
disproportionately use the first-person pronouns—I, I, I, me, me, me, and
mine, mine, mine—have a significantly greater risk of having a heart
attack. He didn’t explain why, but I felt this must be true. This is a deep
insight. With too much self-focus your vision becomes narrow, and with
this even a small problem appears out of proportion and unbearable.
“Also, fear and distrust come from too much focus on yourself. This
will cause you to always remain separate from your human brothers and
sisters. This brings loneliness and difficulty communicating with other
people. After all, you are part of the community, so you have to deal with
them. Your interests and your future depend on other people. If you
isolate yourself from them, how can you be a happy person? You just
have more worry and more stress. Sometimes I say that too much self-
centeredness closes our inner door, and it becomes hard to communicate
with other people. When we are concerned with the well-being of other
human beings, that inner door opens, and we are able to communicate