The Book of Joy

monkey sees his neighbor getting a grape, he performs the rock-giving
task yet again, although even more eagerly this time, his head now
perking up in expectation at his grape reward. However, as required in
this experiment of social comparisons, the experimenter gives the first
monkey another cucumber instead of a grape.
The capuchin looks at the cucumber in his hand, pulling his head back
in seeming disbelief, and then throws the cucumber back at the
experimenter. In uncontrollable rage, the monkey grabs the bars of the
cage and shakes them. This video became popular during the time of the
Wall Street protests in the United States because it so succinctly and
poignantly revealed how our fundamental instincts for fairness work and
why inequality is stressful and damaging to a society.
The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama spoke frequently through the
week of dialogues about the need to address inequality on the societal
level. Yet however much we address these large global imbalances, as the
Archbishop has pointed out, there will always be people who have more
than we do, or who are more successful, or who are more talented or
smarter or better-looking.
Usually, we don’t actually compare ourselves to the hedge fund
billionaire or to the genius scientist or to the supermodel. We tend to
compare ourselves to those who are in our social circle. As the old saying
goes, “If you want to be poor, find some rich friends. If you want to be
rich, find some poor friends.” Keeping up with the Joneses happens
within a peer group.
Jinpa told me that in the 1990s the United States gave green cards to
about a thousand Tibetans in India as part of a special program for
refugees. When these Tibetans started sending dollars back to their
families, their neighbors started to get jealous because suddenly these
families had more disposable income and could renovate their homes or
buy their children motorbikes. It’s not that those families who had no one
in the States had become poorer; it’s that their neighbors with family in
the States had suddenly become richer.
According to the happiness research, “upward comparisons” are
particularly corrosive to our well-being. Envy doesn’t leave room for joy.