The Book of Joy

The Tibetan word for envy is trakdok, which means “heavy or constricted
shoulders,” and indeed the feeling of envy leaves one with a pinched
feeling of discontent and resentment, tinged with guilt. Buddhism sees
envy as so corrosive that it compares it to a venomous snake that poisons
us. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, one of the Ten Commandments
forbids “coveting” thy neighbor’s house.
The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama were in disagreement about how
to respond to envy, with the Archbishop coming down on the side of
acceptance and self-forgiveness. “I mean, you don’t really have a great
deal of control over it. I think, far too frequently, we are too hard on
ourselves. We forget that many of these things affect all of us
universally. I would hope that we could help people dissipate the guilt
that they also tend to have, because almost everybody, when they are
feeling envious, also has guilt attached to it. I would say the thing that we
want to be saying to God’s children out there is, For goodness’ sake, there
are things about us that we do not control.”
The Archbishop then went on to offer a powerful remedy for envy:
gratitude. “I think that one of the best ways you can begin to counter it is
that old one of counting your blessings. That might sound very old, old,
old, old, old, grandfather-style, but yes, it does help. You know you might
not have as big a house as that person, but you know what? You’re not
living in a shack. So being thankful for the things that you do in fact have
can help.”
And then he offered another remedy: motivation. “Certainly with
envy, it can also be a spur, you know? It can help you say, I haven’t got a
car or a house like that guy, so why don’t I aim to work to try and get
something like that?” As the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama had said,
these external goals will not bring us true joy or lasting happiness, but
motivation to improve our situation is certainly better than envy of
someone else’s.
And then the Archbishop offered his final and most effective remedy:
reframing. “The very best is being able to ask yourself, ‘Why do I want to
have a house that has seven rooms when there are only two or three of us?
Why do I want to have it?’ And you can turn it on its head and look at