The Book of Joy

as I’ve seen over the years, is about bringing us together, not about
separating us and putting anyone down—except maybe the Dalai Lama.
But most of the time it’s about uniting. Can you two tell us a little bit
about the ways in which humor can bring us together and show us our
shared ridiculousness?”
“Well, yes, if you are longing to bring people together, you’re not
going to do so by being acerbic. You know, it’s so good to see the
ridiculous in us all, really. I think we then get to see our common
humanity in many ways.
“Ultimately, I think it’s about being able to laugh at yourself and
being able not to take yourself so seriously. It’s not about the belittling
humor that puts others down and yourself up. It’s about bringing people
onto common ground.
“If you can manage to downgrade yourself, if you are able to laugh at
yourself and get others to laugh at you without feeling guilty that they are
laughing at you. The humor that doesn’t demean is an invitation to
everyone to join in the laughter. Even if they’re laughing at you they’re
joining you in a laughter that feels wholesome.”
“When you and the Dalai Lama tease each other,” I added, “it does not
feel demeaning at all.”
“Yes, the Dalai Lama and I tease each other, but it is a statement of
trust in the relationship. It’s an indication that there’s enough of a
reservoir of goodwill that you’re really saying, ‘I trust you. And you trust
me that I know you will not undermine me or be offended by me.’
“I’m just thinking that we’re so very apt to belittle because we are
also so unsure of ourselves and we think that the best way of asserting
who we are is by putting you down, whereas this kind of humor says,
‘Come stand next to me and let’s laugh at me together, then we can laugh
at you together.’ It does not belittle either of us but uplifts us, allows us
to recognize and laugh about our shared humanity, about our shared
vulnerabilities, our shared frailties. Life is hard, you know, and laughter
is how we come to terms with all the ironies and cruelties and
uncertainties that we face.”
Scientific research on humor is rather limited, but it does seem that