W

4.

Acceptance: The Only Place Where

Change Can Begin

hen we had visited the Tibetan Children’s Village in January, we
noticed a wall displaying a quote that the Dalai Lama referenced
in the dialogues. It was a translation of Shantideva’s famous questions
that His Holiness had mentioned, only in a slightly different translation:
“Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the
use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?” In this short teaching is
the profound essence of the Dalai Lama’s approach to life. It was at the
root of his stunning ability to accept the reality of his exile without, as
the Archbishop put it, being morose.
Once we can see life in its wider perspective, once we are able to see
our role in its drama with some degree of humility, and once we are able
to laugh at ourselves, we then come to the fourth and final quality of
mind, which is the ability to accept our life in all its pain, imperfection,
and beauty.
Acceptance, it must be pointed out, is the opposite of resignation and
defeat. The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama are two of the most tireless
activists for creating a better world for all of its inhabitants, but their
activism comes from a deep acceptance of what is. The Archbishop did
not accept the inevitability of apartheid, but he did accept its reality.
“We are meant to live in joy,” the Archbishop explained. “This does
not mean that life will be easy or painless. It means that we can turn our
faces to the wind and accept that this is the storm we must pass through.
We cannot succeed by denying what exists. The acceptance of reality is
the only place from which change can begin.” The Archbishop had said
that when one grows in the spiritual life, “You are able to accept anything