The Book of Joy

people, places, things, and circumstances in our lives, rather than
accepting them. When we react, we stay locked in judgment and
criticism, anxiety and despair, even denial and addiction. It is impossible
to experience joy when we are stuck this way. Acceptance is the sword
that cuts through all of this resistance, allowing us to relax, to see clearly,
and to respond appropriately.
Much of traditional Buddhist practice is directed toward the ability to
see life accurately, beyond all the expectations, projections, and
distortions that we typically bring to it. Meditative practice allows us to
quiet the distracting thoughts and feelings so that we can perceive reality,
and respond to it more skillfully. The ability to be present in each
moment is nothing more and nothing less than the ability to accept the
vulnerability, discomfort, and anxiety of everyday life.
“With a deeper understanding of reality,” the Dalai Lama has
explained, “you can go beyond appearances and relate to the world in a
much more appropriate, effective, and realistic manner. I often give the
example of how we should relate to our neighbors. Imagine that you are
living next to a difficult neighbor. You can judge and criticize them. You
can live in anxiety and despair that you will never have a good
relationship with them. You can deny the problem or pretend that you do
not have a difficult relationship with your neighbor. None of these is very
helpful.
“Instead, you can accept that your relationship with your neighbor is
difficult and that you would like to improve it. You may or may not
succeed, but all you can do is try. You cannot control your neighbor, but
you do have some control over your thoughts and feelings. Instead of
anger, instead of hatred, instead of fear, you can cultivate compassion for
them, you can cultivate kindness toward them, you can cultivate
warmheartedness toward them. This is the only chance to improve the
relationship. In time, maybe they will become less difficult. Maybe not.
This you cannot control, but you will have your peace of mind. You will
be able to be joyful and happy whether your neighbor becomes less
difficult or not.”
We come back to the beginning of our discussion and Shantideva’s