The Book of Joy

made a fist and pretended to hit himself. “With our human brain, we can
think, If I hit back, what use will it be in the short-term or in the long-
term?
“We can also realize that obviously nobody was born to be cruel, to
harm us, but because of certain circumstances, now he or she dislikes me,
so hits me. Perhaps my behavior, or attitude, or even my facial expression
contributed to this person becoming my enemy. So I was also involved.
Who is to blame? So sitting and thinking of the different causes and
conditions, then you see that if we are really angry we must be angry
toward the causes and conditions—ultimately their anger, their
ignorance, their short-sightedness, their narrow-mindedness. So that
brings a sense of concern, and we can feel sorry for these people.
“So it is totally wrong,” he said emphatically, cutting his hand sharply
through the air, “to say that practice of tolerance and practice of
forgiveness are signs of weakness. Totally wrong. Hundred percent
wrong. Thousand percent wrong. Forgiveness is a sign of strength. Isn’t
it?” the Dalai Lama said, turning to the Archbishop.
“Absolutely, yes,” the Archbishop said with a laugh. “I was just going
to say that those who say forgiving is a sign of weakness haven’t tried it.
“The natural response when someone hits you,” the Archbishop said,
“is wanting to hit back. But why do we admire people who don’t choose
revenge? It is our recognition of the fact that, yes, there are those who
think an eye for an eye is going to satisfy you. But in the end you
discover that an eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind. We have
an instinct for revenge but also for forgiveness.”
Indeed, it seems like humans evolved with both impulses and both
capacities, for revenge and for forgiveness. When psychologists Martin
Daly and Margo Wilson studied sixty different cultures around the world,
they found that 95 percent had some form of blood revenge. When
psychologist Michael McCullough looked at the same cultures, he found
that 93 percent of them also displayed some examples of forgiveness or
reconciliation. Forgiveness may actually be so common that it is taken
for granted in the other 7 percent.
Primatologist Frans de Waal believes that such peace-making