The Book of Joy

sometimes shed a tear or two. I hope it was that maybe he had a
premonition of his death and wanted to say how sorry he was for the
treatment that he had meted out to my mother.
“And so, I regret that . . . I can only say, I hope he rests in peace. I
have to accept that I missed an opportunity . . . which was not to come
back.
“None of us actually ever knows when it is going to be that moment
when something quite crucial might in fact be going to happen and we
turn our back on it. And yes, I try to assuage my guilt, but it can’t go
away completely.
“The fact is he had taken the initiative, and whatever justification I
had, it’s an initiative that I spurned. And it is a burden on my heart and
my spirit. And I can only hope that, he will have forgiven me . . . yah . . .”
We sat in silence for several long minutes, just being with the
Archbishop in his grief and regret. He stared off, his eyes wet,
remembering his father. He closed his eyes, perhaps saying a prayer. It
felt like we were in prayer together, receiving and holding up his grief
and loss.
The Dalai Lama was the first one to speak, as he turned finally to
Jinpa and spoke in Tibetan.
“He’s saying, Archbishop, that you spoke about how wonderful your
father was when he was sober,” Jinpa said, translating for the Dalai Lama.
“It was only when he was drunk that these things happened. So it’s the
alcohol that is to blame, really.”
“So,” the Dalai Lama now added, “I think even he is a very, very kind
person and when he was drunk, he is not the real person.”
“Thank you,” said the Archbishop.