The Book of Joy

us—admire a vengeful person. Why do they come to listen to the Dalai
Lama?
“It is very largely because of who he has become. They are attracted
to him because of his spiritual stature. A stature that has been created by
the fact of his caring for others, even in the midst of his own suffering,
the suffering of being in exile.”
“Still, Archbishop, the question for many people is that they have so
many of their own problems. They may admire both of you and say,
‘Well that’s wonderful, they’re incredibly holy men. But I’ve got to feed
my children.’ And ‘I have to do my job.’ And ‘I don’t have enough
money.’ Or they say, ‘If I am compassionate others will take advantage
of me, because it’s a dog-eat-dog world.’ So why is compassion in their
self-interest, how does it help the rest of their goals in life?”
“Yes, I would hope they would try it out, because it’s very difficult
just speaking about it theoretically. It’s something that you have to work
out in actual life. Try out being kind when you are walking in the street
and say good morning to the people you are passing, or smile, when you
are not feeling like it. I bet you my bottom dollar, in a very short period
of time this pall of self-regard, which is a bad self-regard, lifts. It’s
universal. When you try it out, why does it work? We really are wired to
be caring of the other. And when we go against that fundamental law of
our being, whether we like it or not, it is going to have deleterious
consequences for us.
“When you say, ‘I, I, I, I, I,’ as His Holiness pointed out, you are
going to come a cropper. But when you say, ‘How can I help?’ even in the
midst of your deep anguish, it’s got an alchemy that transforms your
pain. It may not take it away. But it becomes in a way bearable, more
than it was at the time when you were just saying ‘poor me,’ thinking
only about yourself.
“When your doorbell rings, and you’re going to open it, as a Christian,
I would make the sign of a cross over whoever it is who is there, which is
just to say let them be blessed. They may not be in desperate need of
anything. But they might also be. And you are in that process being
helped not to be so self-regarding, so constantly conscious of your