The Book of Joy

“Everybody may want to be happy,” I offered, “but the challenge is a
lot of people don’t know how. You were talking about the importance of
being warmhearted, but a lot of people are shy or have a hard time
opening up to other people. They get scared. They’re afraid of rejection.
You’ve spoken about when you approach people with trust, then it
inspires trust in them as well.”
“That’s right. Genuine friendship is entirely based on trust,” the Dalai
Lama explained. “If you really feel a sense of concern for the well-being
of others, then trust will come. That’s the basis of friendship. We are
social animals. We need friends. I think, from the time of our birth till
our death, friends are very important.
“Scientists have found that we need love to survive. Our mothers show
tremendous love and affection to us when we are born. Many scientists
say that after birth, there are a number of weeks when the mother’s
physical touch is the key factor to developing the brain properly. After
birth, if the child is isolated without the mother or physical touch, it can
be very harmful. This is nothing to do with religion. This is biology. We
need love.”
The Dalai Lama had first heard about this research in the 1980s from
the late biologist Robert Livingston, who later became his biology
“tutor.” Child neurologist and neuroscientist Tallie Baram has conducted
one of the more recent examples of this important field of research. She
found that a mother’s caress triggers activity that improves cognition and
resilience to stress in a baby’s developing brain. The mother’s touch
could literally prevent the release of stress hormones that have been
shown to lead to the disintegration of dendritic spines, branchlike
structures on the neurons that are important to the sending and receiving
of messages and the encoding of memory.
“My mother was a twin,” I said. “And she was born prematurely, at
just two and half pounds, and she was in an incubator for two months
without any human touch.”
“Did it affect her?” Archbishop Tutu asked.
“I think it affected her very profoundly.”
“Now they have—what do they call it?” Archbishop Tutu said. “A