The Book of Joy

saved our daughter’s life and that allows us all to survive. “Oh, lovely,”
the Archbishop said, imagining the image.
“It’s biology,” said the Dalai Lama. “All mammals, including
humans, have a special bond with their mother. Without the mother’s
care, the youngster will die. That’s a fact.”
“Even if they don’t die, they can grow into a Hitler because they have
this huge sense of lack,” the Archbishop said.
“I think when Hitler was very young,” the Dalai Lama countered, “he
also was the same as the other children.” This was the first time they
disagreed in more than mischievous play. “I think his mother showed
affection to him, or he would have died.” Family members recount that
Klara Hitler was indeed a devoted mother, although Hitler’s father
apparently was allegedly abusive. “So,” the Dalai Lama continued, “even
today these terrorists also received maximum affection from their
mothers. So even these terrorists, deep inside . . .”
“I think I have to take issue with you on that,” the Archbishop
responded. “The people who go around becoming bullies are people who
have a massive sense of insecurity, who want to prove that they are
somebody, often because they did not get enough love.”
“I think, yes, circumstances, environment, education all matter,” the
Dalai Lama replied. “Especially today; there is not much focus on inner
values in education. Then, instead of inner values, we become self-
centered—always thinking: I, I, I. A self-centered attitude brings a sense
of insecurity and fear. Distrust. Too much fear brings frustration. Too
much frustration brings anger. So that’s the psychology, the system of
mind, of emotion, which creates a chain reaction. With a self-centered
attitude, you become distanced from others, then distrust, then feel
insecure, then fear, then anxiety, then frustration, then anger, then
violence.”
It was fascinating to hear the Dalai Lama describe the process of mind
that leads to fear, alienation, and ultimately to violence. I pointed out that
so often our parenting in the West is too focused on our children, and
their needs alone, rather than helping them to learn to care for others. The
Dalai Lama responded, “Yes, there is too much self-centeredness also