The Book of Joy

have done something in the past that this person didn’t like. So then when
you realize your own part in the other person’s criticizing or attacking
you, the intensity of your frustration and anger automatically reduces.
Then you also realize that basic human nature is good, is compassionate,
and that the person does not want to harm you. So therefore you see their
emotion is due to some misunderstanding or misinformation. You see
that this person’s actions are due to their own destructive emotions. You
can develop a sense of concern, compassion, even feel sorry for their pain
and suffering: How sad that this person is out of control, or having such a
negative feeling. Instead of frustration and anger you feel sorry for the
other person and concern for them.”
I nodded my head and said, “But sometimes our frustration is not
dependent on other people but on circumstances beyond our control. For
example, we can’t control canceled flights.”
“When I was young and very eager to go do something,” the Dalai
Lama said, “then they would announce that there was a delay or
cancellation of the flight, I would feel angry and sometimes angry toward
the pilot or toward the airline.
“Before there was air service from Dharamsala to Delhi, I would go to
the city of Jammu, about four hours’ drive, to fly. So one morning, all the
passengers were on the airplane when they announced that the flight had
been canceled and that everyone should please leave the airplane. Later I
was told that the pilot did not come because he was drinking too much the
night before. So everyone was complaining, and I felt frustrated, too.
“Now when an announcement comes that my flight is canceled or
postponed, which does happen quite a lot here, I take it as a good
opportunity to sit and do my practice, to sit and meditate. So now I feel
less frustration.”
I was reminded of a flight that I had been on with Rachel; our then
two-year-old son, Jesse; and my mother to Hawaii. We did not have very
much money and had booked seats on the cheapest airline we could find.
They had only two planes that they would shuttle back and forth to
Hawaii and other holiday destinations. We were almost halfway over the
Pacific from California to Oahu when I felt a sudden jerk, like someone