The Book of Joy

had shoved the plane from the side. Then the plane made a sweeping turn
and sometime later the crew made an announcement that we were
heading back to San Francisco. I remember being very angry and
frustrated.
We had to spend the whole day waiting for another plane, so we tried
to begin our vacation in California, taking Jesse to the zoo. It was fun, but
I felt angry that our Hawaiian holiday was being cut short. When we
finally returned to the airport and got ready to board, I overheard the pilot
reveal to another member of the crew the reason for turning around.
Apparently one of the bolts had come loose in one of the engines. The
pilot casually mentioned, in the way of people who are used to calmly
handling high-risk situations, that if they had not shut off the engine at
the moment that they did, it would have sheared off and the airplane
would have crashed into the ocean. Suddenly a delayed flight and a day at
the zoo didn’t sound so bad after all.
“I used to feel very frustrated and angry,” the Archbishop said, “when
we would be rushing to a very important meeting, and we would be stuck
in traffic because there was an accident up ahead. You were grinding your
teeth and looking for somebody to kick. But growing older I said, well,
this is an opportunity for being quiet. And then you would try to uphold
all the people that were involved. I mean there’s not very much you can
do, so grinding your teeth and getting heated up doesn’t help. So why not
use the old things that they tell you? Count to ten. One, two, three . . .
ah!” The Archbishop pretended to lose his temper despite his trying to
count to ten.
“I think it takes time to learn to be laid-back,” he continued. “You
know, it’s not something that just comes ready-made for you. No one
ought to feel annoyed with themselves. It just adds to the frustration. I
mean, we are human beings, fallible human beings. And as the Dalai
Lama points out, there was a time . . . I mean, we see him serene and
calm. Yet there were times when he, too, felt annoyed and perhaps there
still are. It’s like muscles that have to be exercised to be strong.
Sometimes we get too angry with ourselves thinking that we ought to be
perfect from the word go. But this being on earth is a time for us to learn