The Book of Joy

to be good, to learn to be more loving, to learn to be more compassionate.
And you learn, not theoretically.” The Archbishop was pointing his index
fingers at his head. “You learn when something happens that tests you.”
And then he was pretending to be speaking as God might. “‘Hello, you
said you wanted to be more compassionate.’ ‘Hello, you wanted to be a
little more laid-back.’
“We get very angry with ourselves. We think we ought to be supermen
and superwomen from the start. The Dalai Lama’s serenity didn’t come
fully formed. It was through the practice of prayer and meditation that the
gentleness, the compassion grew, his being patient and accepting—within
reasonable limits. Accepting circumstances as they are, because if there
are circumstances that you cannot change, then it’s no use beating your
head against a brick wall; that just gives you a headache. This is a vale of
growth and development.”
I was struck by the phrase “a vale of growth and development,” which
seemed to echo the famous Christian notion that life is a vale, or valley,
of tears, from which we are freed only when we enter heaven. This
expression is often said to be based on Psalm 84:6, which has the
beautiful wording: “Who passing through the vale of tears makes it a
well.” Indeed, we can use our tears, our stress and frustration, as a well
from which we can draw the life-giving waters of our emotional and
spiritual growth.
“It’s similar to how we learn how to be a parent,” the Archbishop said
as he concluded our discussion. “You learn how to react to a child who is
really frustrating you. You are better with your third child than you were
with your first child. And so I would say to everyone: You are made for
perfection, but you are not yet perfect. You are a masterpiece in the
making.”