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e often think of fear and anger as two quite separate emotions, so I
was surprised to hear the Dalai Lama connect them. “Where there
is fear, frustration will come. Frustration brings anger. So, you see, fear
and anger are very close.” The Dalai Lama’s perspective, I later learned,
is supported by our basic biology. Fear and anger are two poles of our
natural response, as we prepare to flee (fear) or to fight (anger).
The Dalai Lama was responding to one of the students at the Tibetan
Children’s Village, where we went later in the week to celebrate his
birthday. One of the older students had asked, “Your Holiness, how do
you control your anger in your daily life?”
The Archbishop started to cackle—not just laughing, but practically
doubling over, presumably enjoying immensely the challenge that anger
poses even to holy men.
“When I used to get angry, I would shout,” the Dalai Lama said,
admitting that even the Bodhisattva of Compassion can lose his cool. The
children were laughing, too. “I have a story: Around 1956 or ’57, when I
was in my early twenties, I had an old car, which belonged to the 13th
Dalai Lama.” It was one of the very few cars in Lhasa at the time and had
been carried in pieces to the capital and reassembled, since there were no
drivable roads in Tibet at the time, other than short stretches in and
around Lhasa.
“One of the people who used to drive the car would also repair it when
it broke down, which was quite often. One day he was under the car
repairing it when I came by to see him. As he came out from under the
car, he banged his head on the fender. This made him lose his temper. He
was so mad that he banged his head against the car again and again. Bang,
bang, bang.” The Dalai Lama pretended to hit his head into the imaginary
fender, to the delight of the children. “That is anger. What use is it? The
very reason he lost his temper is that he hit his head and then he hits his
head on purpose, inflicting more pain on himself. It’s foolish. When
anger develops, think, what is the cause? And then also think, what will
be the result of my anger, my angry face, or my shouting? Then you will